Videologue #15 Easter Baby O’s Getaway

 

 

Easter Baby Olivia

 

My last baby’s 4th birthday. Technically she is no longer a toddler! Her birthday is always just a few days apart from Easter, so she get’s an Easter egg hunt for a bonus as well. It’s so funny to see them giddily scrambling about for chocolate eggs.. their laughter and their heaving from running getting into a funny tangle while their monkey arms swoop up colorful chocolate eggs… it’s quite an adorably comic scene. This year I gave them a limit, 1 chocolate bunny each and 12 eggs, so we had a very cheerful ‘FAIR’ easter egg hunt this year. Last year I found out an open race for the eggs was too brutal for my Olivia with the shorter chubbier legs than the other 2 older ones. There was some drama that I had to sort out in the end.

 

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Olivia’s Birthday Getaway

From the beginning of this year, we somehow mad a special birthday getaway happen for each of our little ones. For Olivia, Mr.B was to be in a casual golf tournament, and he wanted our company so we made a birthday trip of it.

We had to be a tricky Mama and Papa about this birthday getaway. We couldn’t tell Olivia until the last moment that she would be staying a night away from her brother and sister and our NANNY(!!) for a night. Olivia has never been a day apart from her Nanny since she was born so is of course strongly attached to her Nanny. I am ok with that since it is the natural thing for her age in her circumstances. I know she will grow out of that attachment. I have seen with my older 2 kids, when they reached a certain age which was around 4 or 5 they just understood. We did notice recently that she is finally starting to open her eyes to the genealogy of our family, and that her nanny is only ‘almost’ family . She knows that a birthday getaway with 1:1 attention is a special treat because she has witnessed her brother and sister get excited about it, so with these hints coming together, it seemed like perfect timing for a special birthday getaway and gently nudge her toward some reality she is just starting to figure out. Of course I was also extremely selfishly excited to have her fully to myself. All the mind cramping worries and opposing emotions a mama has! Just thinking about all that going on in my head the day before the birthday getaway makes me want to grab a glass of wine…. that first sip… is alway so relaxing…!

birthday getaway at a scenic golf resort
Olivia’s 4th birthday getaway, at the Journey golf resort

We made it through though! I loved loved LOVED this trip. I was just so hungry for some thick bonding time with Olivia but it also opened my eyes to what she holds in her precious little big soul of hers. Our time showed us how brave she was and how thoughtful she is. I felt her sympathy for me in some certain moments… a 4-year-old missing her nanny and brothers and sisters, but not wanting to hurt her Mama’s or Papa’s feelings, because she knew we were loving her and loving the time with her. Periodically during the 2 days, of course she would miss her nanny but it was just all perfect sweetness. She wanted to pick some flowers and bring some cookies home for her nanny. We made sure we had every type of cookies from the snack stands during the golf tournament and we made sure to make a bouquet of flowers together.

2 days with her have really bonded us more deeply, and that is priceless to me. Every moment was extra special. I am not exaggerating, this is what probably everyone feel for the baby of the family. My last baby, who has a fate of having a busy mommy, always seeing her super cool bigger brother and sister going out in the world with Mommy and Daddy doing all those big kid stuff. Only learning how to grow up too fast with having such 2 big role models, pushing her to grow faster than her body can catch up. She is such a big good person in a tiny size! Sweet wise fair Olivia…… let’s do this again very soon, as often as we can please!

CHEERS

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막내 올리비아 생일은 언제나 부활절과 몇일 차이. 여러가지 특별한 생일 계획과 더불어 언제나 이스터 에그 헌트까지 생일 행사처럼 느껴지게 치뤄진다.  집에서 간소하게 하는 이스터에그 헌트지만 셋이서 프라이빗 이스터에그 헌트 하는 모습 언제나 웃음나게 재미난다. 그 초콜렛 에그가 뭐길래… 목숨을 걸고 뛰는 박자에 맞춰 쏟아져 나오는 웃음… 올해부터는 한사람당 달걀 12개와 초콜렛 토끼 1개씩까지 갯수를 정해주었다. 작년까지는 다리가 가장 짧고 통통한 다리로 언니 오빠 따라집기 힘들었던 올리비아가 너무 불리해, 드라마틱한 결말이 생기고 말아 올해는 규율이 있는 이스터에그 헌트를 개최했다.

어쩌다 올해부터 생일마다 한명씩 데리고 특별 생일 시간/여행을 갖게 됐다. Mr.B가 골프 대회에 참가하기로 해서, 겸사 겸사 올리비아 생일과 맞아 떨어지는 시기여서 남다른 의미 넘치는 여행을 하게 됐다. 태어난 이후, 내니와 단한번도 떨어진 적이 없었던 올리비아. 데미안과 런던은 항상 주말에 나가는 내니의 모습, 엄마 아빠와 보내는 주말이 있어 올리비아 만큼 확고하게 남들과 다른 가족 전개도를 머릿속에 두고 살지 않았다. 올리비아에게 가족이란, 엄마, 아빠, 언니, 오빠, 내니. 그래도 다행히 요즘 들어 내니는 가족이 아닌, ‘거의’ 가족인 존재라는 사실을 깨닫기 시작했고, 언니 오빠가 생일 여행을 떠나기 앞서 신나서 흥분한 모습을 옆에서 목격했는지라, 그녀가 꺠닫기 시작한 현실, 그  꺠달음의 과정을 더 매끄럽게 해줄 수 있는 계기다 싶어 더더욱 데리고 가기로 했다. 여행 떠나기 직전  기대감과 긴장, 내 결정에 대한 불확신으로 얼마나 머릿속이 시끄러웠는지… 그 번잡함이 기억나 와인 첫 모금의 리렉싱… 그것이 당장 갖고 싶어진다. 어떤 상황에서 아이를, 몇명을 키우는 엄마든지 간에, 엄마들 생각과 감정은 언제나 방향감 없이 터지는 수위인것 같아.

당연히 아주 잘 다녀왔다. 나는 우리 막내를 독점하며 끈끈한 본딩만을 배고파하며 떠난 여행인데, 예상치 못한 더 많은 것을 내 엄마 마음에 담고 왔다. 올리비아의 작지만 큰 영혼 속에는 굉장한 용기가 있고 굉장한 동정심이 있다는 것을 보게 됐다. 4살 짜리 내 막내가 엄마와 아빠에게 상처주고 싶지 않아 우리 감정을 헤아라는 모습을 뜨문뜨문 보게 됐다. 본인의 짝꿍이자 보호자격인 내니를 보고 싶어함에 불구하고 우리가 그녀를 크게 사랑해서 어쩔 줄 모르고, 그녀와의 특별한 시간에 행복해하는 것을 감지하고, 용기를 내고 씩씩하게 본인 감정을 꾹 참고, 우리를 헤아려 주는 훌륭한 올리비아. 물론 내니가 생각나는 순간들이 있다해도 그저 사랑스러운 모습뿐이었다. 쿠키를 챙겨주고 싶다, 꽃을 꺾어 선물 하겠다하여 골프 경기 중 스넥바를 만날때마다 종류별 쿠키를 함께 챙기고 골프장 곳곳에서 꽃을 꺾어 함께 부케를 만들었다. 이틀간 내가 원하는 그 이상으로 우리는 본딩했고, 화려하고 낯선 곳으로 떠난 굵직한 여행은 아니었을지라도 나는 평생 소중하게 손꼽을 여행이었다. 과장도 오바도 아닌, 어떤 부모든 막내를 향해 갖고 있는 아쉽고 뜨거운 엄마 마음인것 같다.

막내의 운명을 타고나, 언제나 바쁜 엄마만 아는 우리 올리비아. 본인보다 항상 너무 많은 것을 알고 많은 것에 능숙한 언니 오빠를 뒤쫓아 가느라 헉헉대는 것은 우리 눈에는 보일지라도 본인은 쿨한척하는 올리비아. 너무 빅보이 빅걸 롤모델이 있어 얼떨결에 본인 사이즈에 비해 항상 더 큰 성장을 몸으로 부딪혀 가며 하는 올리비아. 작은 몸집 안에 너무 지혜롭고 훌륭한 사람이 들어있다. 야무지고 착하고 정의로운 우리 올리비아, 이런 시간 또 엄마 아빠랑 꼭 가져주세요. 조만간 그리고 자주요!

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Author: lalaladaylight

About myself. I was a Child of Norcal. I marked my first blank sheets of life in a coddled dreamy university town reading, writing, drawing, and when I was not, ferociously rode my bike and sun bathed among the college and graduate students with beautiful minds. I lived half my childhood up in trees, had a free roaming little life that has become so rare in these times where I am raising my children. I suddenly became a teenager in Seoul Korea, where hearts were made to beat to pop culture and academic achievement… completely different and fascinating from what I had known to that moment. Toughness and a bit of spicy sass to withstand competition was the absolute cool. The blends of both lifestyles led me somehow to become a fashion major and afterwards a fashion PR girl in a most intoxicating fast moving Seoul fashion scene. Fell in love with the right guy, and after a few years somehow I find myself as a rookie at the Socal chill culture in San Diego. A Mama of 3 littles and supportive wife and best friend to my right guy in perfect beautiful San Diego. I am a collector, a never ending learner of all analogue and digital creative crafts and hobbies. I am a visual and lyrical story teller, telling intimate tales that generate from my table with my hungry loved one’s sitting by my side.

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